Big Boys and Girls Do Cry

Ok, I love onions. White, Red, Yellow and especially Vidalias. The flavor they add to anything they're in just makes me happy. In my onion soup at the Cafe at Middlebury Consignment, I use 14lbs of sweet onions per batch! What I don't love, is that they make me cry. I cry like a little bitch!!!!! In culinary school, onions were among the vegetables used to teach us new aspiring chef's knife skills. Chef Bru, who was my hero, was the one to teach us the proper way to handle onions. He was a tall guy from Jersey who sort of reminded me of Dennis Leary. He was funny, talented and he could kick your ass. So, when he was demoing chopping onions and he started to cry, I was shocked. In my novice head, I was convinced that tough guy like Chef Bru was immune to the tear gas produced by onions. It turns out, he was human like the rest of us. All the students were throwing out suggestions on how best to keep yourself from getting brutalized by the attack of the onion gas; light a candle; hold a piece of bread in your mouth; cut the onion on a certain angle.... nope, nope and nope. Chef pointed out that none of those things really work and not everyone is affected by the onions the same way. He said it's one of those things you sort of have to just deal with. Someone mentioned that Paula Deen and her sons would wear goggles when they cut onions. Chef Bru looked up and said we were in a kitchen, not a pool. That was apparently all he was willing to say about that. So, if you have a sure fire cure for keeping your eyes from burning (that doesn't require goggles) I would love to hear it. Until then, I'll continue trying to badass the onions and know that I'm going to look like I was just told I could no longer eat bacon.