Papa Loves Pig

Monday night at school, we were fortunate enough to partake in the yummy offerings of the 3rd Semester Student's Hawaiian Luau. The menu was lovely, however, one item jumped right out at me and I almost cried... Kahlua Pig. I know, I know. I'm not even sure if there was Kahlua in it, it didn't matter. It was pig. What is it about this curly tailed porcine that makes me want to renounce my Jewish faith, all of my material possessions and devote the rest of my life to the worship of bacon?!?!?

Mmmmm, bacon. I love bacon. I really, really, love bacon. I like it on a cheeseburger, with macaroni and cheese, on a BLT, in quiche, on a turkey club, crumbled in pasta, wrapped around a hunk of cow, paired with eggs or simply by itself, fried to a nice crispy brown. There are few aromas that make my mouth water. And even fewer that just the memory of can make me drool like a rabid dog. Bacon, is that food for me. If it shows up somewhere unexpected on a menu, I screech like five year old, do the hokey pokey and turn myself around. Now, if a menu says thick slab bacon, I'm pretty much the equivalent of a well paid tramp on my back for the evening. Not pretty I know, but there it is. If you need a favor from me, tempt me with bacon. Promise me endless supplies of smoked, fresh bacon and I will be your devoted slave for eternity.

It isn't limited to just bacon. In our house, a well crisped portion of pork cracklin' has been known to cause riots. And teasing someone with this tasty treat can result in permanent damage with little to no regret and absolutely without any sympathy. About a year ago we bought a porketta for my Mother-In-Law, we roasted it in her convection oven and then, Jack, his parents and I circled it for hours like vultures around roadkill. There was no need for a plate, we merely ripped pieces of pig off and ate it standing. STANDING. We had already eaten our meal! We were more than full! BUT THERE WAS PIG! Then, as though the four of us were all one living being, we went together peacefully into a gluttonous pork coma. Now, while there were moments of guilt, quick glances containing shame as grease was wiped from our chins and lips, a bond was forged. We were tied together by crispy yet juicy pig. This succulent piece of pork flesh had solidified the bond of our family.

There is one cut of pig that doesn't get as much love with our family... the dreaded spiral ham. Some of you are sure to protest this as you recall your favorite Easter dinner. However, an experience this Easter with a "boneless spiral ham" which more resembled a grey-ish mini loaf of Canadian bacon has ended any chance of ham ending up on our holiday table ever again.

However, if the grey mass offered at Easter had been sprinkled with bacon, it may very well have ended up a success!